Pregnancy odds and ends
As a supplement to my Baby bare minimums, Baby registry suggestions, and Breastfeeding and pumping posts, here’s more advice I give to pregnant friends (if they ask for it).
Last updated: Feb 28, 2021
Useful Things to have and do, by Trimester
First trimester
This trimester is all about survival.
Nausea bands
Plastic bag - In your purse/pocket, for emergency throw-ups
Water bottle - You’re supposed to drink 3L/day
Granola bars
Tylenol - No Ibuprofin allowed, sadly
Fiber gummies - Keep you regular. Or, for a more natural option, you can drink/eat plumped chia seeds
Tums - For heartburn
Second trimester
You're usually feeling better here, so set things up for later:
Book classes - Baby CPR and birthing classes for your 3rd trimester
Order breast pumps (if you plan to BF), both manual and electric. Should be covered by your health insurance. Some insurances make you wait till the third trimester to order
Set up your baby registry (see my registry suggestions)
Schedule a tour at your hospital
FSA and health insurance - Find out what's covered. Doula? Private room at hospital? Lactation consultant?
Prenatal yoga - Helpful for aches and pains, and often a safe space to share your issues and anxieties
Third trimester
Take a childbirth class. Tip: They spend lots of time talking about pushing, but pay attention to the contraction pain techniques. That's the thing you’re dealing with the longest and have the most control over.
Learn about epidurals (at a top level, because ick). They’re not the way they were in the 70s/80s; talk to friends your age who've had or not had them. Ignore people telling you what to do (and they will), but it’s helpful to hear their actual experiences.
Eat a lot of dried fruit (especially dates) and drink raspberry leaf tea. All good for “ripening the cervix” (again, ick).
Take the classes you booked in the second trimester (baby CPR, birthing)
Get recommendations for a lactation consultant. You don’t have to book ahead, but have the number on hand for Day 1 because if you need help with this, you'll need it fast. If you're in NYC, I have two recommendations: Stacey F. Greene and Andrea Syms-Brown
A good way to distract annoying people trying to give you advice or asking the same three questions over and over again: Ask them for TV recommendations. You're gonna be mainlining it for a few months after birth, might as well get some reccs (and stop them talking about their wife's sister's friend’s pregnancy complications)
When talking to newish parents, ask them what they’re glad they had on their registry and what wasn’t useful
Good articles
Secrets Of Breast-Feeding From Global Moms In The Know - The title is obnoxious but the article is great, important to read to the end
Good books
Expecting Better, Emily Oster - Hugely helpful scientific explanations of what you do/don't need to worry about. Good to read at any stage of pregnancy, the earlier the better.
How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids, Jancee Dunn - As a card-carrying feminist, I had no idea how much having a kid would immediately force us into traditional gender roles, and how much work it would take to disrupt that.
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, Ina May - Can be a very empowering read, but a lot of what she says about hospital practices (for example, epidurals and c-sections) are outdated, so don't get too worried about her views on that. Take what's helpful and thank her for the rest, because she and this book were part of the movement that got us to the better options we have today.
Taking Home your Newborn, Laura A. Jana and Jennifer Shu - Or any book that looks like sensible advice for the first few months. We focus so much on the birth, but breastfeeding and looking after a newborn is a much bigger length of time.
Like a Mother, Angela Garbes - Feminist exploration of pregnancy, will fill you with equal parts rage and camaraderie.
Cribsheet, Emily Oster - Came out too late, but would have been very useful for me as a first-time parent!
Websites
Babycenter for weekly updates during pregnancy
KellyMom for sane breastfeeding advice
Precious Little Sleep for sane sleep advice
The best advice I got
From an aunt: "Day 3 can be a bit rocky so just acknowledge it and go with it." Similarly, the whole first three months can be very tough (it certainly was for us with our firstborn). It's called the "fourth trimester" and it does end, though you won't believe it at the time. Look after yourself, put the baby down and walk away if you're feeling frustrated, and remember that crying doesn't actually = dying, even though your hormones are telling you it does.
Another great piece of advice was when I was freaking out about our baby’s strawberry birthmark, looking at Google images of how it might develop. My husband said: “Do an image search for hangnails.” I did, and the parade of horrors that appeared was enough to convince me that the algorithm defaults to worst-case scenarios, which aren’t representative of the norm.
The best advice I give
There is no right way. There’s only the best wrong way, which is the one that works best for you and your baby. The moment I realized that all options were bad, and I just had to choose the least bad one, I became a much happier mother.
Also:
Try to stay away from Internet message boards.
Everyone talks about postpartum depression, but postpartum anxiety is also a thing, as I discovered after a year of dealing with it unwittingly. If your anxiety is very high, look into PPA, and talk with your healthcare provider; there are things that can help.
Clothes
When pregnant:
Buy a few maxi-length dresses. Yes they’re a cliché, but as your stomach gets bigger, shorter hemlines get higher and pushed further out, making you vulnerable to sneaky gusts of wind.
Things with patterns don't show stains as much.
Just get one comfortable, billowy pair of pants. Don’t even try on maternity jeans, you’ll just end up crying in the Atlantic Avenue Target.
Maternity leggings have a huge waist that pulls up over your belly, and will continue to be useful after you give birth.
Kimono cardigans are great, but you really only need two: One for fancy occasions, one for everyday.
Karina dresses are fab. The midi length in size M/L has fit me from 165lbs/not pregnant through 220lbs/9 months pregnant. The fabric doesn't stain or wrinkle.
Mom's the Word is good when you just need something moderately chic to stop you from throwing yourself off a bridge.
When nursing:
"Nursing clothing" is mostly a joke, and expensive. The easiest thing is a tanktop with t-shirt or something similar over the top. Then you can pull up the overtop, pull down the undertop, and go to town. Or button-up tops, if those work for you (they never do for me).
Karina dresses (see above) are also great for breastfeeding.
For pumping at work, I liked to wear separates, because with dresses you have to take the whole thing off to pump, which feels awkward in a work environment. My go-to was jeans (I like Gap High Rise Favorite Jeggings) a tanktop (I like Old Navy First-Layer Slim-Fit) and some sort of semi-casual blazer.
Television
Aside from the miracle of new life, one of the best things about the early months is binging TV! While drinking afternoon cocktails! Start prepping your list early.
Jane the Virgin is really great when the baby is brand new, because it has a fairly realistic focus on baby stuff and also has a narrator who recaps stuff all the time, so if your attention wanders you don't get lost!
Smoothing a transition for a second-born
Tips that worked for us:
Buy #1 a present from #2 to give on the day #2 comes home.
Have some other cheap presents around in case visitors come over with lavish presents for #2.
Start talking early about “your brother/sister,” make a fuss about #1 being an older sibling.
In the third trimester start weaning #1 away from the birth parent a bit — have the other partner take on nighttime routine, etc
In third trimester, start talking about the plan for the hospital (“grandparents will come stay with you,” etc.)
Show #1 pictures of them as a baby, talk through what it was like when they were so very small. Prep for the baby crying a lot, sleeping, not doing anything exciting at first. For older kids, explain that babies take a lot of attention at first, but this will get better as they get older.
Picture books:
See my list of recommendations here:
And here’s two I haven’t read yet:
The New Baby - I've heard it deals with the negative emotions around getting a new sibling in a nice way
Information is provided for educational purposes only.
Post thumbnail image is from "There's Going To Be A Baby" by John Burningham and Helen Oxenbury.
